May 2nd

Brian and I have started a monthly ritual of lighting candles on the day of Arianna's birth and death. The night had settled in on May 2nd, five months after her birthday. Brian was reading in bed when I reminded him of the date. He told me he didn't want to light candles and didn't even like the idea anymore. With some disappointment, I set everything up in small sunroom/entryway with three large second-story windows. Sitting alone in the dim room, I sat and listened to the night. I covered myself in her small blankets, cuddled her teddy bear named Barley, and held her ashes. I told her how much I love and miss her and to help me and Brian get through.

The silence was soon interrupted by a mounting rainstorm that sprung to its peak intensity in no time. First, the rain drops pelted the windowpanes. Then the winds joined, making the house creek and the chimes spin. I was sitting happily, safe amidst this squall, thinking of my daughter adventuring around the universe. Just at the climax, the pressure changed and forced open the door leading to the rest of the house. With a bang against the wall, the light inundated the room, illuminating the wet windows, pointing my reflection back to me. I was pressed back in my chair from butterflies fluttering through my gut. Without a thought, I called Brian- come quickly, I yelled. In a hop, he was there to ride out the storm along with me. I passed Barley to him for support and held his hand. The storm peaked and faded, and with one last gust, petered out.

I can't help but think that Ari had a little hand in this storm- helping Brian to connect with her and bringing him and I together. Be it Ari or otherwise, that’s what it did.

Thanks Ari!