Charlotte's Grace

A particular issue of Mothering Magazine arrived in the mailbox. Usually I would stash the issues away, barely look at the cover, in hopes that some day I could read them with a child in my belly once again. Although there was nothing special about this issue, I decided to take a look. Already longing and sad from the first pages, I was surprised to recognize an image in the table of contents. The style was reminiscant of an artist whose work I had tacked around the house during my pregnancy, Durga Berhnard. Excitedly, I flipped to page 32, to see a full image of the piece...and an article about stillbirth, called Charlotte's Grace: a woman grieves the loss of her stillborn daughter, but forever celebrates the birth of her identity as a mother. Next to the article was an image of a woman nursing one child, while holding a seemingly sleeping baby close to the ground with a teardrop of milk falling.

I decided not to read the article just then but contacted the artist. I told her briefly of my experience and how her art was a part of my pregnancy and Ari's short life. Soon she responded, telling me of the Mothering Magazine article and the story behind the piece. The woman who inspired the piece lost one daughter named Julianna and then had another child named Aria. Both Durga and I were intrigued by the similarity of these names to Arianna's name. The art is titled "Song of sorrow, Song of Joy" because Julianna was the woman's song of sorrow and Aria was her song of joy.

Perhaps I am reaching, but the ever so clear message for me is this:
Because Arianna's name is a combination of Julianna and Aria, who each represent sorrow or joy, Arianna is both my song of sorrow and song of joy. This connected with me very deeply because since Ari's death, I have been working my way through my sorrow to get to my joy. I will always feel sorrow for the loss of my child, but some day I hope to feel true joy for the relationship we are still able to have in the heart and in the spirit. One night I went back to read that article and to my surprise, that mother came to this same place of finding joy in motherhood refound and redefined, but nonetheless motherhood.

This is an important read:
Issue 141 March-April 2007 Mothering Magazine: Natural Family Living
Charlotte's grace: a woman grieves the loss of her stillborn daughter, but forever celebrates the birth of her identity as a mother
http://www.thefreelibrary.com/Charlotte's+grace:+a+woman+grieves+the+loss+of+her+stillborn...-a0161022737