Chapter 6: Naming of Hope

Chapter 6: Naming of Hope
We didn’t pick from our list of favorites- this baby needed a name with a different tone. Getting out of bed one morning soon after we learned she had died, the name came to Brian- Hope. Instantly, yes, of course, this would be the perfect name. Hope

She came into existence because of hope, our pregnancy was tied together with hope, and then in the end, we were able to wait out the six weeks because of hope. We didn’t always feel hopeful or speak its name aloud during these times, but everything about this baby’s life and death rode on the back of hope. Hope

Hope’s life could be overrun with sorrow, agony, despair, distrust. When we think of Hope, we could feel only the pain, the unfairness, the doubt. And yes, maybe all those feelings will remain strong for us all for a while. Hope

But, her name is Hope. When we think of her, when we speak her name, just in that word, room for hope is made. Imbedded in her name is hope and simply in holding her name, the scary feelings must give way to some small amount of hope. Hope

Its almost like a cute childish trick- “you may feel horrible, but say my name, and there is something there for you. I gave you sorrow, but I am also giving you hope. Even if at times by a trick, it is there.” She forces upon the sorrow a sense of hope, she asks us to mingle the two, honor both feelings simultaneously. Hope

She was a small baby, doing things in a small, subtle way. Saying her name, the space becomes just wide enough for something to begin, something to grow, something to move. Brian and I came across the saying, “while I breathe, I hope”. Its true, hope is a small simple thing. In just one breath, one moment, one day, exists the expanse of hope. She gives us this little, precious, fragile, consolidated thing. That is her gift to our family- just that small amount can get us through until we, ourselves, can grow it out, fortify it, establish it. Use her gift- say her name, listen to her name, hold her name. Hope.